This satire article is a collaboration between Slightly Fuzzed and Monster Riff. Welcome to Slightly Riffed: The Fakest News In Stoner Rock!
Finally! After waiting six years since Queens of the Stone Age’s 2017 Pop-infused Boogie Rock album Villains, the band has announced a release date for a new album.
In Times New Roman is coming out on June 16.
As part of that announcement, the band has released the record’s first single, “Emotion Sickness”—a playful romp similar to the QOTSA’s OG work on …Rated R. Check it out:
While that’s exciting, we were less than satisfied with the accompanying press release that hit the news circuit last week.
So, in typical Slightly Fuzzed fashion (and with our upstanding journalistic integrity), we decided to hit the bricks to uncover additional details on In Times New Roman.
Everything You Wanted to Know About In Times New Roman (But Haven’t Read Yet)
Here’s what we know about In Times New Roman so far:
The In Times New Roman Sound
In a recent interview, QOTSA frontman Josh Homme explained that he’s still very much intent on continuing to separate himself from his contentious Kyuss past (read all about the Kyuss Lives! and Vista Chino conflicts for additional context), so he left his guitars and home and wrote most of the In Times New Roman songs with this thing:
You’ll also notice some slight changes in the band’s percussion. Although Dave Grohl does appear on a couple of tracks (more on that in a moment), Josh Homme recruited legendary Hambone artist Steve Hickman to perform on the majority of In Times New Roman.
In Times New Roman Album Artwork
You’d expect an album called In Times New Roman to use the same font we all used to write out our sixth grade science fair projects, but that actually hasn’t been the case.
In the working version of the album cover, the font on the back of the main character’s jacket looks like it was piped onto the leather by a hungover pastry chef, which makes us think of another rumor we’ve heard and are working to confirm:
In Times New Roman was named ironically, and the final album cover will contain all of the classic Rock/Metal album fonts: Comic Sans, Papyrus, and Arial.
I don’t want to add to the rumors, but I am keeping my fingers crossed for Wingdings!
In Times New Roman Personnel
Like previous QOTSA albums, In Times New Roman features a who’s who of the Rock and Metal worlds. Here’s who we have confirmed is on the album so far:
- Josh Homme – Band Hair Stylist
- Dave Grohl – Assistant Hair Stylist and Drums on “Regular Porta John (A Lesson In Festival Life)” and “You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Trip to Taco Bell”
- Nick Oliveri – Lead Screams
- Troy Van Leeuwen – Band Tailor
- Steve Hickman – Hambone and Band Swagger Consultant
- Gene Frenkle – Cowbell Consultant and Lead Guitar on “I Sat By the Dispensary”
In Times New Roman Tracklist
We briefly broke into the Queens of the Stone Age headquarters (don’t worry—we put everything back where we found it) to dig the album tracklist out of the trash. It was scrawled on the back of Josh Homme’s discarded shampoo packaging:
1. Emotion Sickness
2. First It Lighteth (Then It Bloweth Away)
3. You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Trip to Taco Bell
4. The Lost Art of Rolling A Joint
5. Regular Porta John (A Lesson In Festival Life)
6. Stem’s & Bud’s
7. I Sat By the Dispensary
8. The Lost Art of Keeping A Buzz On
9. Feel Good Hit of Legalization
10. Make It Wit Mary J
Looking Ahead
We’re thrilled that there’s only one month left until the release of In Times New Roman. Be sure to continue reading Slightly Riffed for an invitation to our June 16 listening party!
Have any rumors you’d like to share? Drop them in the comments below!
This article is satire.
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