This satire article is a collaboration between Slightly Fuzzed and Monster Riff. Welcome to Slightly Riffed: The Fakest News In Stoner Rock!
With Doom Metal, both the music and the lyrics are often intended to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom. But Gen Z has a whole new set of issues to worry about. Gone are the days where a band just writes about some fictitious world full of evil and death. Gen Z cares about current issues, gender, workplace equality… and climate change.
Arguably, no one cares about climate change more than 20-year-old Swedish activist Greta Thunberg. One Doom Metal band decided to save themselves the work of writing doom-filled lyrics and just decided to use her quotes instead.
The band, Net Zero, has already released their first album, appropriately titled Tipping Point.
To see what Net Zero has been able to do with Thunberg quotes, let’s look at their first single, “This Is All Wrong.”
This is all wrong
How dare you!?
You have stolen my dreams
My childhood with your empty words.
People are suffering.
People are dying.
Entire ecosystems are collapsing.
The beginning of a mass extinction
All you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth.
How dare you!
We can also take a look at their 12 minute epic, “You Would Be Evil.”
You say you hear us
That you understand the urgency.
No matter how sad and angry I am,
I do not want to believe that.
If you really understood the situation
Kept on failing to act
Then you would be evil.
Or the slightly softer, but equally dismal, “Mass Extinction.”
In the midst of the sixth mass extinction
200 species going extinct
Every single day.
Then there is the more energetic “House on Fire.”
I don’t want your hope.
I don’t want you to be hopeful.
I want you to panic.
I want you to feel the fear I feel every day.
Then I want you to act.
I want you to act as you would in a crisis.
I want you to act as if our house is on fire.
Because it is.
One of the catchier tunes comes from the melodic, “You Are Failing Us.”
You are failing us.
Understand your betrayal.
Eyes of future generations are upon you.
If you choose to fail us
We will never forgive you.
And finally, there is the abrasive “Are we evil?”
Are we knowingly causing a mass extinction?
Are we evil?
People keep doing what they do
Vast majority doesn’t have a clue
Consequences of our everyday life.
As we listened to the band’s debut, what we thought was just some sort of gimmick or, frankly, lazy lyric writing turned out to be a pretty incredible Doom Metal effort. Not only are these lyrics heavy as hell, and covered in dread and despair, but just maybe it sends an important message to people as well.
Maybe next some band can write a Punk album with Alexandria-Ocasio Cortez quotes about how much capitalism sucks. Or use Joe Biden quotes about how “all men and women are created, by the, you know, the, you know the thing…”
This article is satire.
It needs to be real. Someone just needs to record this!