This satire article is a collaboration between Slightly Fuzzed and Monster Riff. Welcome to Slightly Riffed: The Fakest News In Stoner Rock!
Amicissimum Veneficus (“The Friendly Wizard” in Latin), the man whose evil-looking, bong smoking likeness was used for one of the most recognizable stoner metal album covers of all time, Electric Wizard’s Dopethrone, filed a lawsuit last week alleging that the image has damaged his reputation.
“I really needed cash at the time,” Veneficus says. “I was in a bad place in my life. Jus Oborn, Electric Wizard guitarist/singer and the artist behind the cover, offered me $200 to pose for about an hour and I just couldn’t turn it down. Jus added the bong and the devil horns. That was never part of the agreement.”
Since the album’s release, Veneficus has claimed its nearly impossible to go anywhere without people being terrified of him or assuming he is a devil-worshipping pot-smoker. “I’m not a bad guy. I just want to be a good father and husband, take my kids to the park, and contribute to my community, but everywhere I go, people assume the worst about me,” he states.
The cover art subject — now 179 years old — is asking at least $150,000 from Oborn and Electric Wizard. His claim is that the art has made it nearly impossible for him to get a steady job, maintain healthy relationships, and even retain custody of his children. Veneficus also claims he was duped by Oborn, stating that the bong and devil horns were never discussed prior to posing for the artwork, and he would never have agreed if he had known.
“Wizards face enough adversity in society,” Veneficus’s attorned told Slightly Riffed. “This sort of representation is inaccurate and, quite frankly, offensive. They are not evil drug addicts, and this portrayal affects the entire Wizard community. Veneficus is standing up not only for himself, but also the entire community.”
The band has fired back at Veneficus, stating, “He was so hard up for cash at the time we could have asked him to do anything for that $200. He knew exactly what kind of band we were, and what kind of album cover we were going for. This is a cash-grab and we wont stand for it.”
Witnesses at Electric Wizard’s album release party back in 2000 have now started to come forward in the band’s defense. Many claim they saw Veneficus use his fingers as “devils horns” and literally take massive rips off of a bong throughout the night. Veneficus’s attorney’s would not comment on these allegations.
Slightly Riffed will keep you updated as this case evolves.
This article is satire.
First rate, as always!